The following contains AOTM/After the Affair Spoilers
Reader discretion is advised
Two dates in my life mark the beginning and the end of everything.
The first, March 23, 2003, serves as the foundation of this entire book. From Part 1 of “AOTM” to Part 2 of “After the Affair” and even “The Lakeworth Chronicles,” everything traces back to that fateful morning. If the events of those early hours had never unfolded, I wouldn’t be sitting here writing this today. I’ve penned countless short stories imagining what my life might have been had the events of that day not transpired, yet, over 20 years later, here we are.
That night is etched into my memory like a nightmare from which I can never awaken. For years, until around 2015, I was plagued by recurring nightmares that revolved around the events of that night.
The question that lingers in everyone’s mind is always: do I regret it? If I could turn back time, would I have heeded James’s advice? That night, he must have told me at least five or six times to go home. Honestly, none of us, especially at that age—16 for me, Justin just turned 18, and James at 17—fully comprehended the gravity of our actions. Timothy, the oldest among us, might have had a better grasp, but, in all fairness, he wasn’t quite mature enough to fully understand either.
We were just kids caught up in something far beyond our understanding. It wasn’t until 2009 that I began to grasp the magnitude of what had transpired. Justin, I don’t think he’s ever truly faced it, and Timothy – he eventually killed himself. James, though, I think he saw it early on. After the initial shock wore off and we were almost forced to face the consequences, he seemed to understand. It’s no wonder he’s become who he is over the years. I can’t blame him for that.
So, do I regret it? That’s a complex question. I will never regret being there for my friend that night. Never! I couldn’t care less if that brands me as cold-hearted or evil. As I mentioned, I was just 16 years old then, with my sole focus on making sure he was safe. But now, in 2024, nearing 40, I understand the difference between right and wrong. I realize our actions that night blurred the lines of morality.
But as James Black once said, I will always choose Justin. Always. If only I could return to the evening of March 22nd. I shouldn’t have left him alone knowing the state of mind he was in. No matter how difficult our friendship had gotten or how abusive things had become, I should have stayed. I think I will always regret that. But will I regret going back and helping? Like I said – I will always choose Justin, above anyone else, even myself. So, if different choices that night would have led to the downfall of my best friend, then no, I don’t regret it. Even more than twenty years later, I will still always choose him. If that makes me a terrible person, then so be it.
July 15th, 2010—I never should have gone to coffee night. It wasn’t planned. That day was my grandma’s birthday. We had dinner at Mudshark, and the plan was to come home, enjoy Mom’s Texas Cake, and celebrate with Grandma and her friends. I was never supposed to attend gay coffee night. I told everyone I wouldn’t be there. But against my word, I went anyway.
Why did I go? Because Amber called. Here’s the backstory: a few of us were in the midst of launching a new LGBTQ nonprofit in town. I was serving as President and webmaster. Amber was supposed to attend coffee night for me to take photos for the website. She called to inform me about some concerns regarding the photos. If she had simply mentioned just that, I probably wouldn’t have gone. The website and photos could have waited another week. But then she added that Kristopher had finally shown up.
You all know I have this thing for gay men, right? I had heard about Kristopher. He was Josh Randolph’s infamous ex-fiancé. Josh is a pivotal figure in the original AOTM series if you haven’t read it yet. Anyway, I had briefly met Kristopher once with Robi during Fright Night the previous year, a fleeting encounter lasting no more than ten minutes. Before Robi passed, he always predicted Kristopher and I would hit it off and joked about me adding him to my “Trophy Wall” of gay men.
Kristopher didn’t frequent social events much. The one time he did show up to coffee night in May, I was away visiting my sister in California, and I was really disappointed to have missed him. So, when Amber informed me that he had finally made an appearance, I suddenly lost all interest in my grandma’s birthday party. I told her to make sure he didn’t leave and that I’d be there in no more than 20 minutes.
July 15th, 2010—the night I officially met Kristopher Brown. The night he claims he fell in love with me for my assertiveness and determination. Little did I know, this evening would alter the course of my life forever. While March 23rd was clearly pivotal as it unfolded, I never anticipated that this night would become one I’d desperately wish to redo years later.
Do I regret suddenly changing course and going to coffee that night? Absolutely! If I could turn back time, I would never have gone.
Kristopher was initially intended to be just another addition to my “Trophy Wall of Gay Men”—not someone I would ultimately fall in love with and spend 13 years married to.
Read the entire Affair of the Mind/After the Affair Series only at www.sarahhall.com – New Chapters Coming Soon
Legal Disclaimer: The events and particulars depicted herein are drawn from the recollection, imagination, and personal diaries of Sarah Markham-Hall. Certain scenes are fictionalized and dramatized for content and may not accurately reflect the true sequence or occurrence of events. Names and locations have been modified to safeguard the privacy of individuals involved. No harm or injury was inflicted upon anyone during the writing of this novel.