The Suicidal Bobblehead

The days in Lakeworth passed slowly as the end of February edged closer. This past week with Justin had been a trial, a test of my endurance. He never saw the turmoil within me, the internal scream begging for escape. Around Justin, I had to be the pillar, his constant, the one who promised him that life could still be good—even if I wasn’t so sure myself.

The call came at a little after seven am on one random Sunday in late February, pulling me from a deep sleep. Justin’s voice crackled through the line, sounding unusually upbeat.

“Ann, get up. You’re coming with me to Blacktop,” he announced without explanation, leaving no room for negotiation.

I groaned, rubbing my eyes. “Justin, it’s barely light out. Why on earth are we going to Blacktop?” 

Blacktop was one of the three cities that made up what we called the Tri-State area. Just an hour’s drive from Lakeworth, it hugged the Colorado River in the same way, its streets winding close to the water’s edge. Blacktop had a unique energy, a border town right next to the famous Lakeland Ranch Casino township just over the Nevada line. The neon lights and towering signs of the casino drew people from miles around, casting a faint glow over Blacktop’s quiet streets and giving the whole place an oddly glamorous edge. It was a mix of small-town charm and big-time allure, making it feel like a halfway point between the simple life of Lakeworth and the bright temptations of Nevada’s casinos.

“Because I need to get out of Lakeworth, and I’m bringing Elliot,” he replied, as though that explained everything.

“Wait—who’s Elliot?” I asked, curiosity overriding my grogginess. Justin rarely brought new people around, especially people he called “friends,” so hearing about some mystery guy named Elliot was a surprise.

“An old friend. Trust me, you’ll like him,” he said, sounding almost amused. “Just get ready. I’ll be there in thirty.”

I dragged myself out of bed, curiosity winning out over sleep. This wasn’t the usual Justin—the one who was always weighed down by dark thoughts and unspoken secrets. There was something lighter in his voice, a rare playfulness. After quickly dressing, I went downstairs, told my parents I’d be spending the day with Justin and that we were going to grab breakfast, then slipped out before they could ask too many questions.

When Justin pulled up, I climbed into the backseat and immediately noticed the guy in the passenger seat. He turned around with a warm, confident smile, and his look instantly drew me in. He had that unmistakable emo vibe—dark, wavy hair that fell just past his eyes, highlighted by smudged black eyeliner that made his gaze intense and a little mysterious. Though he wasn’t dressed all in black, his style still had that edgy, emo feel.  He looked a few years older than us, maybe in his early to mid-twenties, with a maturity that only added to his allure.

“Ann, meet Elliot,” Justin said, nodding toward him.

Elliot reached back to shake my hand, his grip firm and warm. “Nice to meet you, Ann. Justin’s told me plenty about you.”

“All good things, I hope?” I replied with a smirk.

Elliot chuckled, his eyes flashing with humor. “Mostly!” 

Justin laughed as he pulled away from the curb. 

I settled into my seat, casting curious glances at Elliot. There was an ease about him, a kind of confidence that contrasted with Justin’s usual guarded demeanor. I wondered how someone like him fit into Justin’s life, especially since Justin was so private about his past.

As we made our way out of Lakeworth, the three of us fell into a natural rhythm, talking about everything and nothing. I learned that Elliot was twenty-one and grew up and lived in the Phoenix area.  He had a laid-back charm that made him instantly likable. He and Justin had met through Michael about a year and a half ago, and somehow, despite their differences, they’d hit it off. Elliot rented a small apartment in Phoenix close to campus while he took night classes at ASU, working toward something he hadn’t quite figured out yet. By day, he had a steady gig with the City of Phoenix Parks Department, handling groundskeeping for some of the city’s biggest parks. Despite his outward emo appearance, the outdoors suited him, and he had the easygoing nature of someone who preferred open air and sun over the confinement of four walls.

But I couldn’t help but wonder if there was more to him than his carefree exterior. He’d come into Justin’s life through Michael—the same Michael that Justin was madly in love with, the same Michael who seemed to have a way of connecting people through a darker, edgier network.  I couldn’t help but wonder if he too dealt drugs on the side like so many people connected to this mysterious Michael character.  Elliot’s easy charm and connection to Justin left me questioning what shadows might be lurking behind his laid-back demeanor.

At some point during our conversation, my eyes drifted to the small Jesus bobblehead on Justin’s dashboard, its head bouncing with every bump in the road. I couldn’t help but laugh.

“Alright, Justin,” I said, grinning. “What’s with the Jesus bobblehead?  You don’t come off as the religious type to me.”

Elliot chuckled, reaching over to flick the bobblehead, making it jiggle faster. “I ask him the same thing every time. Doesn’t exactly fit, does it?”

Justin shot us both a smirk in the rearview mirror. “Just because I’m not into organized religion doesn’t mean I don’t believe in something.”

I raised an eyebrow, genuinely surprised. “Really? So what exactly do you believe in?”

He shrugged. “I guess you could call it agnostic. I think there’s something out there, but I don’t think it fits into any one religion. The rest is just people trying to make sense of things they can’t explain.”

“Huh,” I replied, impressed by his answer. This was a side of Justin I hadn’t seen before—a side that didn’t hide behind sarcasm or cynicism.

Elliot gave the bobblehead one last flick, grinning. “Personally, I think it’s hilarious. But hey, whatever keeps you entertained, Justin.”

Eventually, we rolled into Blacktop, and Justin pulled into the parking lot of a small Jehovah’s Witnesse church at the edge of town. I looked around, confused.

“A church?” I asked, giving him a skeptical look. “This is your idea of breakfast?”

“Trust me,” he said, his eyes glinting with mischief. “This’ll be fun.  Elliot and I do this often.”

Elliot laughed, clearly in on whatever Justin had planned. “Just follow our lead, Ann. You won’t regret it.”

Curious but wary, I followed them inside. We approached a pastor who was preparing for the morning service, and before I knew it, Justin was launching into a series of absurd, impossible-to-answer questions.

“If Heaven only has a limited number of spots,” he asked with a straight face, “then why spend all your time recruiting people? Doesn’t that just make the line longer?”

The pastor blinked, caught off guard, while Elliot chimed in, “And if the Bible was written by people, doesn’t that mean anyone could write their own holy book? Could I claim to be a prophet if I publish something similar?”

I bit my lip, trying to suppress my laughter as Justin and Elliot continued their barrage of questions, each one more impossible than the last. By the time we were politely asked to leave, the three of us were practically doubled over with laughter.

“I can’t believe you two actually did that,” I gasped as we made our way back to the car. “I think I’m officially going to Hell for this.”

“Oh, don’t worry,” Justin said, grinning as he opened the car door. “You’ll be in good company.”

As we got back on the road, Elliot suggested we stop somewhere to eat.

“Denny’s?” he suggested, as though it were the perfect choice.

Justin scoffed, wrinkling his nose in distaste. “Denny’s is basically fast food with a waitress.”

“Oh, come on, Justin,” Elliot laughed. “It’s a step up from fast food. Plus, they have salads for you.”  He grinned, nudging Justin’s arm. “Live a little. Besides, you’re stuck with us. Don’t make us eat alone.”

Justin rolled his eyes, but he finally relented. “Fine, but only because they have salads,” he muttered, as though he were making a huge concession.

We grabbed a booth inside, and I watched as Justin reluctantly picked at his salad while Elliot and I dug into stacks of pancakes and hash browns. For once, Justin wasn’t threatening or hiding behind dark humor. He was actually laughing, joking with Elliot, and even poking fun at himself.

“So,” I said, glancing between them with a smirk. “Why are you two not a thing?” I said assuming Elliot was into men with the way he had been flirting with Justin all throughout the morning.   

They exchanged a look, both chuckling, and Justin shrugged. “We tried. Didn’t work out.”

Elliot grinned, giving Justin a playful nudge. “Yeah, well, to be fair, I’m not really the ‘dating’ type,” he said, looking at me with a mischievous grin. “Back in high school, I was in a long term committed relationship with this girl.  It didn’t work out.  Ever since, I guess you could say I like variety and to be carefree in life.”

“Variety?” I repeated, raising an eyebrow. “What exactly does that mean?”

Elliot shrugged casually, smiling. “I like men. I like women. And sometimes, I like them both at the same time,” he added with a wink. “Life’s short. Why stick to one flavor?”

I laughed, but my curiosity was piqued. “So, threesomes?”

“Yeah, sometimes,” Elliot admitted, flashing me a grin. “Keeps things interesting. Justin here isn’t really into the kind of threesomes I like, though.”

Justin rolled his eyes, tossing a crouton at him. “Yeah, because I don’t do women. That’s your thing, Elliot.”

“Your loss, Lenox,” Elliot shot back, catching the crouton mid-air and popping it into his mouth.

It was obvious there was something physical between them, a casual arrangement. They were more “friends with benefits” than anything serious, and yet there was a spark and ease in their dynamic that made me smile.

“Well, I guess you two found a good balance,” I teased, watching them.

Elliot grinned, nudging Justin again. “Yeah, we have fun,” he said lightly. “Friends with benefits works for us. No labels, no ties. Just good times.”

Justin shrugged, but I could see the faintest hint of a smile tugging at his lips. “He keeps me entertained, I guess,” he said, smirking.

“So, what’s your deal?” Elliot asked, raising an eyebrow and giving me a curious, almost playful look. “What are you into?”

I hesitated, trying to find the right words. “Well… I guess you could say I like variety too,” I replied, matching his tone with a slight smirk.

“Nice!” he said with an approving grin, clearly entertained.

“Oh, please,” Justin cut in, rolling his eyes. “She’s a total virgin. She doesn’t even know what she likes.”

“A virgin, huh?” Elliot repeated, his voice dropping into a flirtatious tone. He gave me a look that was both teasing and surprisingly warm. “Well, nothing wrong with that,” he added smoothly. “You’re young. Plenty of time to figure out what you’re into… all sorts of things to try.” He leaned back, his gaze lingering a little longer than necessary.

I felt my cheeks heat up but held his gaze, trying to match his playful confidence. There was something about the way he said it, like he was inviting me into a world I didn’t know yet but couldn’t help being curious about.

“Yeah, thanks,” I replied, attempting to keep my voice steady despite the flutter of nerves.

Justin shook his head. “Believe me, she’s got time to figure it out,” he said, smirking over at Elliot. “Just maybe not with you.”

Elliot let out a laugh, glancing back at me with a smirk. “Who knows, Justin?” he said, his voice low and amused. “Sometimes figuring things out is better with a little help.” He gave me a wink, his tone playful, but his words left a lingering spark in the air between us.

We stayed at Denny’s for a while, talking and joking as though we’d all been friends for years. Justin seemed genuinely happy, a rare sight that reminded me there was more to him than the intense, secretive person I’d gotten to know. He was capable of laughter, of friendship, of enjoying himself in a way that felt real.

On the drive back to Lakeworth, the mood stayed light, and I found myself watching Justin in the rearview mirror. This wasn’t the guarded, intense friend I’d come to expect; today, he was just Justin—open, relaxed, maybe even a little vulnerable.

When we finally pulled into town, I felt a sting, knowing that this side of him might fade once we returned to reality. But for now, it was enough. For one day, I’d seen a different Justin—a Justin who could laugh, who could flirt, who could let his walls down and just be.